Early morning poetry

So this morning, I woke up at around three am, and have been in too much pain to even think about sleeping since. My solution? Write some random, early morning poetry about god-knows-what. The whole early morning thing would probably explain my whole aversion toward the “shift” key, though… hmmm.
But anyway, without further ado, here you go. Your own personal concoction from the all-too-awake mind of yours truly.

clamoring voices
reaching a crescendo
demanding your attention
with each passing moment

to stand on your own
to see the beauty

so add your voice to the clamor
to all the others who
feel a hell of a lot like you do
right here, right now

but what does that do?
you get sympathy, yes
but what if that
is what you’re so afraid of?

adrift among the oceans inside
left to fend for yourself at such a
tender age
abandoned to your demons

but forgotten you are not
avoided as though you are;
after all people have to
think about you to ignore you.


If a picture is worth a thousand words…

… then what about a memory? Would it be worth 10,000? 100,000? 1,000,000?

For some reason, I’ve been listening to a lot of Nickelback lately, which always seems to put me in a pensive mood. So what better place is there to share my thoughts and reflections than here? (For this post to have optimum impact, go on Youtube and find the song “Photograph” or “If Today Was Your Last Day” by Nickelback. You don’t have to watch the music videos or anything; just have them playing in the background if you’d like.)

We all have things we’ve done, things that we will never forget. Whether they’re good or bad, they still exist, and are part of what defines us as a person. No one else has the same experiences, the same perspective, the same insights; that uniqueness is what makes conversations interesting, and relationships fulfilling.
I, like many people out there, sometimes wish I could travel back in time. I want to recapture the past, and take back those moments in time where I could sit back and say, “I’m happy.”
But, like most people, I realize that this will probably never be possible. (Unless parallel universes exist, like the movie we watched in physics hypothesizes…)

My point is this: don’t take those moments for granted. Whether they come when you’re alone, or when you’re in the company of someone you love, take the time to savor the moment, because it may never be the same again.

(This just seemed like it would fit in with the mood of the day, so I randomly wrote it this afternoon and decided to post it a little earlier than I originally planned. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed it.)

I could be twelve years old again?

While going back to school may not be a reality for many of the people responding to this prompt, it is unfortunately something that I have to start giving serious thought within the next couple of days. Going back to seventh grade (for that is where I was when I was twelve) would seem like a walk in the park compared to thinking about going into my senior year of high school. When I was twelve, there were no worries about colleges, scholarships, applications, AP classes, picking out clothes, trying to make new friends… none of that really concerned me because, quite frankly, I didn’t really find it important at the time. I had a (what I thought was) stable friend group, I had a set style (graphic tees and jeans- you can never go wrong with that), and most importantly, I didn’t give a darn about college because it seemed like an eternity away.
But now… things are so much different. I have college visits to fit into my weekends, blog posts to write in between piles of homework from my AP and honors classes, awkward social interactions and people to deal with…

Overall, the concept of going back to being twelve sounds like something that I would actually enjoy. It would at least be a welcome reprieve from the stresses of high school, so what are we waiting for? Let’s break out the time machine and get going.

This prompt was generated here.

The job of your dreams… or not…

In honor of Labor Day in North America, tell us what’s the one job you could never imagine yourself doing.

There are so many jobs out there that its hard to pick just one that I could not do. My personality, my disposition and some of my phobias would stop me from doing things like teaching or nursing (I just couldn’t deal with the needles. Needles have always freaked me out.)
However, I think the one thing that would top the list is probably anything related to drawing blood. I would inevitably have to deal with screaming and crying children, which is a big turn-off for me, but on top of that, there would just be so many needles that I wouldn’t be able to handle it and keep my hand steady enough to successfully get a vein (even on someone sitting perfectly still.) Heck, even the smell of the place I go to get blood drawn makes me sick…
I definitely have a respect for all the people who can do that sort of job, though. They have to deal with two things that make most people a little squeamish: needles and blood. And then, on top of that, they have to handle people who either freak out or almost pass out when they’re pricked, which can’t be easy. (I’ll admit, I fall into the latter category; I usually start hyperventilating once the alcohol swab comes out, and by the time they’re about to go for a vein, I’m in peak freak-out mode.)

This prompt was generated here.

Let’s do this, shall we?

Well. Here I am.
I decided to give blogging a shot, in the hopes that maybe (just maybe) something I write as I progress through my days will connect with someone out there, and that maybe (just maybe) I would be able to help said person in some way.

So, before anything else, I should probably share a few details about myself and my life, in case any of you are curious as to why I would think that I could have the chance to help someone else.
First things first, I am a teenager. You will hear me talking about high school in general, classes, social dynamics/ situations, and probably more random things as well.
However, with that being said, I’m not exactly your average girl. I have several medical conditions, most of which people have never heard of, that can make life a little… interesting at times. (And difficult. They do like to make my life a little difficult.) I suppose that the worst part of it all is that I don’t have many outward manifestations of my conditions, so people either think I’m faking them for sympathy (which I can guarantee you, I’m not) or they just flat out don’t believe that there’s anything “real” going on with me.
Now, in case anyone out there has heard of any of these (or even has one or more), I’ll tell you all a little about the major conditions that I have.
The first one I’ll talk about is called dysautonomia. Its a condition in which your autonomic nervous system is not as in-sync as it should be, so it will either fail to regulate what its supposed to, or it will send altered signals to the brain, causing the wrong types of things to happen. It can cause things like unstable blood pressure, lightheadness, tachycardia, and more.
The next one I should probably talk about is called AMPS, or Amplified Musculoskeletal Pain Syndrome. To put it as simply as I can seem to find it, AMPS results from an abnormal short circuit in the spinal cord that sends pain signals both to the brain and to the autonomic nervous system. (Hey look… the autonomic nervous system again.) There are several different forms of AMPS, and I have the “Diffuse pain” form- basically, constant and total-body pain.
Next, I’ll move on to another, more recent diagnosis of mine called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. Its classified as a connective tissue disorder that results from a defect in the structure, production, or processing of collagen or proteins that interact with collagen. EDS comes in many different forms that range in severity. Thankfully, I’ve been diagnosed with one of the less severe forms that mainly affects the joints, making them more elastic and hypermobile.

So now you guys know some of the reasons why my life can get to be different than most of the other kids I come into contact with. There are a few more as well, but I’ll probably end up sharing them in subsequent blog posts, since I think I’ve typed at all of you enough for today.
Thank you for reading, and hopefully you’ll be coming back here again at some point to keep going with whatever I may have to say.